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Do you ever feel uncomfortable in certain situations? Maybe you spend too much time worrying about your debt and making ends meet? Or perhaps you are feeling at unease in your current job and looking for a way out?
These feelings can be uncomfortable, but I also believe that they are perfectly normal. When we feel discomfort, our bodies (or the universe, if you will) are trying to tell us something: they are giving us a sign that something is not right, and that we have a problem.
Every problem is also an opportunity for change, and an opportunity to make things better.
Like anyone else, I sometimes get hung up on the past. I think to myself, “Why couldn’t I have done things differently? Why can’t I just be happy like everyone else? What is wrong with me?”
We can then take one of several actions:
- We can do nothing. If the cause of our discomfort is transitory, then this may work, but most of the time, the cause of our discomfort is still there. Though we may forget about it for the moment, it will eventually rear its ugly head, again.
- We can beat ourselves up over it. This is a normal human reaction, especially if the discomfort is strong and is due to something like failing your final exam for a course. This is somewhat rational, because it increases the pain. As humans we tend to avoid pain, so magnifying the pain of an event tends to make us avoid repeating similar events in the future.
- We can take action. At some point, beating ourselves up over the mistakes that we’ve made is self-defeating and self-destructive. The past is the past, and in the end, we need to find solutions to our problems.
Here are some simple steps to identifying the source of your discomfort:
1. Where, and when do you feel uncomfortable?
We tend to feel recurring discomfort on given cues. It might be a credit card statement, our final grades, or the feeling of going out the door and going to work. This discomfort is our body’s way of telling us that something needs to be fixed.
2. What is making you feel uncomfortable?
Once we’ve identified the location of the discomfort in our lives, we can look at what is causing us to feel uncomfortable. It could be the large balance on our credit cards, it could be the fact that we know we didn’t study hard enough, or it might be that we feel like our careers aren’t advancing down the right path, and we are simply “showing up”.
3. What will fix the discomfort?
Once we’ve evaluated the source of the discomfort, it becomes easy to identify what would make it go away. We would all be happy to see a clean credit card statement, get great grades or get a nice salary to do a job that we love.
Take action!
Now that we know where the destination is, we can take action to get there. The path might not always be known to us, we know what we need to change, and where we want to be. The uncertainty of getting from here to there can cause immobility and fear, but understanding is the first step to action. You will feel much better once you move from dwelling over your problem to planning the solution.
Dear reader, is anything in your like making you uncomfortable? If not, I’m very happy to hear it! 🙂 If so, what would improve the situation? What action steps are you taking to get there?
It amazes me how many people choose to do nothing when they are faced with some type of discomfort or situation that makes them feel discomfort. usually nothing will change unless you speak up about it or at least mention something to someone. I am all for taking action but even then you are not guaranteed that the feeling will go away or that thing will change. Usually I am feel discomfort if I see people spend too much money. Not in the sense of just blowing money but I have a real problem with people who claim to not have money to invest in 401k, stock, emergency savings etc but then they are always going out to eat, buying clothes or taking trips.
@Ways to Invest Money You are right, even if you take action you are not guaranteed that you will change things. There needs to be a balance between putting up with the present and changing things for the future, but sometimes we need to ensure that we are changing ourselves for the better.
Also agree with you about those who have money for everything except the future, when perhaps they assume that others will take care of them, or it will be alright somehow! Thanks for the comment!
im come to realize that the things that are uncomfortable to think about don’t take a lot of effort to fix. Its just a matter of taking action to fix them
@Thirtysixmonths Sometimes it’s easier once you’re moving. When you’re at the top of a ski hill and you look down (and you’re a beginner at ski, like me ;)), the challenge may seem daunting at first. Start moving though, and you’ll see that it’s not so bad. Some parts may be tougher than others, but you’ll learn along the way, too.
I am approaching 2012 as a whole with proactiveness. This year I am working to make changes to my day to day routines to make sure that I maximize my life and don’t take things forgranted. Life is short and I don’t want to have regrets. This year we are again taking a trip overseas which is really important to us. We are also working on spending more time with family and saving more money. All these things are going to make us feel more comfortable with how we are living our lives.
@prairieecothrif Trips overseas are always a lot of fun and a great experience if you can afford them! Best of luck on the 2012 goals.
Haha, that is exactly it! “What if this is my last day?” well, what if it isn’t? Some people take that maxim too far.
The power of visualization — often times we spend too much time visualizing the problems without thinking about what things would be like if changed. Very true!
True, and you need something that can sustainably motivate you over the long term. Too many people think about changing a diet and then realize that they can’t live on carrots and celery for months on end.
Wow, you are going to speak at FINCON12? That is so cool… you definitely have a heck of a story to share though. If I can make it will really look forward to that!
Nice post.
I like what you said above about action Kevin. “At some point, beating ourselves up over the mistakes that we’ve made is self-defeating and self-destructive.”
Identify the problem and then focus on solutions. We are all human, we are all flawed, so get past it.
I tend to be most uncomfortable when my confidence is low. I need to remind myself not to be so hard on myself, focus on what is great and not how perfect everything should be. Uncertainty can be a great motivator in that way.
@My Own Advisor That is true, I also feel the same when I start beating myself up and at some point I have to tell that inner voice to cut it out and just keep going forward. Sometimes we humans are just too risk-averse. Might have been a good instinct when a wrong step could get us eaten by a tiger, but it can be over-exertive today.
Holy Moly! I am REALLY looking to this! I spoke before in front of crowds and what worked for me the most was finding a friendly face (someone you know) and imagining that I am talking to that person only.
Great article. Whenever I feel uncomfortable I always ask myself why I feel this way. As soon as I identify the source, I pretty much know what I should do and what actions I should take.
@aloysa2000 That is great. It’s not always so easy to identify the source but once we do, we’re already halfway there!
Action will fix a lot of things, as long as there is forward progress and not wasted motion (how’s that for buzz words?). But fundamentally true, as long as you’re doing *something*, a solution may/will present itself. No need to be a frog in boiling water.
@101centavos Haha, but it’s very true. Inaction is a form of action as well, and often not the best one.
I was and still am terrified of public speaking. But the ironic part is that I now give speeches and presentations all the time as part of my job. As you point out, once I identified that this fear is irrational and that it could have a significant impact on my career, I simply moved past it. I don’t think you ever really get over it, you just learn to have some level of control.
@MyMoneyDesign I am still terrified of public speaking, too, and you are right, if it is part of your personality it’s more about getting control since there will be *some* part of you that will still rebel. But, we can work on it and some forward progress is better than nothing at all.
In the future, I believe that we will be able to reprogram our personalities and shape them into what we really want to become. I wonder what people will choose?