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Originally I was going to base this around three different financial lessons, but as I thought back to these times, there is really one lesson that stands out above all: the lesson of believing in yourself, and using the power of that belief to stride forward and achieve your goals.
I met my first love around the end of college. I was pretty dispirited after spending four years at college, yet not feeling like I gained very much from it. The first year was spent in the pre-university program, trying to figure out what I wanted to do. Since university never really seemed to be an option available to me, I went for the technical course at that time and spent the next three years studying computer science. The program, however, was really not that challenging nor interesting. Part of the problem was my own lack of motivation but part of it was also the program itself.
In some classes, I would sometimes just sleep through class or be absent for up to weeks at a time, only showing up to do exams. One thing that was good about our program was that we were more or less a consistent group of people from the beginning through to the end, though I did not take much advantage of this opportunity to socialize with my companions until near the end. My future first love was part of this group and she would often sit near the front, and for some reason I would show up a bit late and without a pencil. I would end up sitting next to her and asking her for one. She remembers these times as being a little annoyed with this “random guy that would just show up, ask me for a pencil, and then finish the exam before me!” I’m kind of embarrassed to think back on these times now; I was exactly like the students that I say should re-evaluate before going to higher education if they’re not going to take it seriously and just coast through. That was me at that time.
I think the problem really was that I didn’t think very highly of myself and didn’t think that I “deserved” success. I was working hard, working until 11pm to midnight every weekday to make some money on the side to pay my bills, but I wasn’t working very smart. I wasn’t taking the right steps that would be critical for my future success.
Turning the corner
I started shaping up a bit during my first work-internship, which we were required to pass in order to complete the program. It was unpaid, so I continued my side job where I worked until midnight. However, the internship was only 3 days a week so the other two days were mostly open other than a couple of classes. Two classmates were at the same company as me, so we got to know each other and started spending some time together outside of work and school, and this girl was also friends with them so we started to hang out as well.
I really wasn’t looking forward to more school at the time, but when I saw how limited the opportunities for a technical degree were, and when I learned that many of my classmates were going to be moving on to university, I thought more and more about it. She helped me realize that working hard at side jobs for low pay was actually the easy way out. The hard way was doing that while pushing myself hard for a brighter future. I took the remaining pre-requisites I needed to enter university, applied, and got accepted.
We started dating a couple months before we entered university, and I also learned about the paid internship program available at the university mainly through her. As I applied myself more and took school more seriously, the results started to show. Through the paid internship program, I was able to quit the dead-end side jobs and start learning the skills that I would need to succeed. I learned the importance of working hard and working smart. She taught me mainly by example, by practicing what she preached, and also by pushing me to make the most of myself and to believe in myself. I shouldn’t let a bad past be an excuse to be trapped in a bad future.
I ended up graduating with honors, and throughout the journey had a great cultural experience during an overseas exchange in South Korea that we also shared. Since then we recently purchased a place and now we have a home together. I don’t think I ever could have imagined coming this far in 5 years given where I was only 5 years ago. It’s not to say that there weren’t trials and tribulations along the way; after all, I had no support at all from my family even through my college days, except for the very generous support of my grandmother. However, the key is that I learned to stop using these bad experiences as an excuse. Sure, I didn’t get to choose the situation I was born into, but on the other hand, I’m very fortunate to still have been born on a continent where opportunities are widely available and open to all. If I let myself fail solely because I didn’t try hard enough because of prior circumstances, then that is nobody’s fault but my own.
This is where the motto “maximizing your life EV” comes from — I believe that while genetics and starting circumstances play their role, we still have the ability to control where we end up in the range of options available to us, and that many of the roadblocks we perceive exist in our heads only; if we mentally remove them then we can go further then we ever imagined was possible.
This post is part of a coffee roundup hosted by Sandy over at First Gen American. I completely missed the roundup, but the idea was so interesting that I decided to join in anyways, albeit much later!
Here are the other great posts in this roundup:
Coffee Talk – Financial Lessons from your First Sweetheart (First Gen American)
It’s my money Dammit (Molly on Money)
Who pays for the first date: A Financial Lesson Learned (Squirrelers)
Always Bring Enough Money (101 Centavos)
So, reader, which lessons did you learn from your first love?
Kevin, admit it – you used a pencil trick on purpose. There is no way you were always showing up without one and asking your future love to give you one. 🙂 I loved your post. Nice insight into Kevin’s life and personality.
Haha, maybe it was something I did subconsciously. 😉
Oh how sweet that your first love is still your current one. Sounds like you are a great match.
I guess cute girls are known to carry extra office supplies.
Cute for sure, and she always had plenty of extra supplies around. Her strength of being organized is often my weakness, haha…
I started out in college similarly to you. Going to class when I felt like, etc. I learned just fine from the book, and our lectures had hundreds of kids and seemed kinda useless.
So you are living with your first love- how nice! Does she still give you pencils?
Great story Kevin, thanks for sharing.
Occasionally! Part of the problem with college was myself, but much of it really was a waste of time. I’m glad I shaped up for university because it was much, much better in terms of the quality of material, the teachers, and the relevancy of everything to the market.
Enjoyed reading your trip down Memory Lane. How fortunate you were to have met a young woman who made such an enormous, positive impact on your life.
My first love was quite the opposite. He was a Ladies Man, what used to be called a “rake.” He was also fun, exciting and gorgeous to look at it. I knew he wouldn’t be around long –neither of us would have wanted that — but our relationship was a great ride while it lasted.
I guess there’s a time and place for that, too! I definitely am lucky to have met her, in many ways.
I started college thinking it was for playing sports. I met my future wife who was an excellent student and we got into a “grade” competition. I won ( a lobster dinner was on the line) and in the process surprised myself. She taught me to organize myself – I usually needed more than a pencil when I showed up for class:) A lot of dates in those days consisted of studying together.
We had a lot of study dates early on and throughout university as well, but I don’t think we actually competed in grades. That could have been interesting to do, especially with a lobster dinner on the line. 😉
Successful people seem to get what they need from situations. They see opportunities where other people do not. It was your association with someone more successful than you that helped you see these opportunities.
I agree with the idea that to become better you should surround yourself with people that are better than you; that can inspire you to become more of the person you want to be. Sure, it doesn’t have the ego-boosting effect that doing the opposite would, but it definitely does help you to become more successful.
Nice post. I like the part where you explain that many of us have mental roadblocks which impede us from reaching our goals. This is totally true, most of us just have to overcome our fears/roadblocks once and then we have the confidence/desire to become more successful. What made you change your mind about attending class/ caring more about your future?
I think I basically saw that it was possible and within reach, and that all I needed to do was try and go for it. My problem was twofold: I was already disenchanted with higher education since I had felt that much of college had been a waste of time (and honestly I still believe this today, though yes, some good things came out of it :)) but more importantly I was setting myself up for failure by giving myself failure as the only option, because I never let myself believe that success was possible. Changing this outlook really helped to make the difference for me.
I really identify with this statement (I didn’t think very highly of myself and didn’t think that I “deserved” success). It’s amazing the road blocks we put in our way sometimes…
Nice comeback in the end too!
If only we can get those roadblocks out of the way, then we can drive a little bit faster! It’s not always easy… but the rewards are worth it.
Hah! The pencil trick? I used that approach once for notes….and it paid off quite well! Ah, the old days….
Anyway, I like your story a lot. Your introspective approach really allows you to share your experiences and hard-earned wisdom. This quote in particular was excellent:
“If I let myself fail solely because I didn’t try hard enough because of prior circumstances, then that is nobody’s fault but my own”
Good stuff here – thanks for sharing.
I sometimes have to remind myself of my own quote but it is really an important lesson to learn and to take to heart. It is always easy to blame others, and sometimes it is even true, but even if it is true, we can still benefit from taking responsibility for where our life goes from there instead of letting it become an excuse!
What a great story, Kevin. Finding your life partner can motivate you to do and achieve great things. Thanks for posting it, and of course thanks for the link at the end.
Np! You can never predict how some things will work out in the end. Why not just give it your best shot? Something I still need to remind myself of sometimes whenever something is getting me down, but it is really worth it to try and remove those mental roadblocks.
Believing in yourself is pretty huge! If you lose that belief in yourself, you will not move forward in life. Good things will not just be handed to you.
I agree with that. I don’t believe that things just fall into people’s laps; sure, some people are “lucky” but I believe luck is purely random so it doesn’t mean anything anyways. Don’t worry about the things you can’t control, and do your best with the things that you can.
Sounds like you found what you needed at the right time! Congrats!
The feeling that you don’t deserve success is also a very common denominator in those that do dumb things with money.
Those that over-spend, blow their bonus money, or are always putting off doing what needs to be done such as retirement savings.
If you have never read anything by T Harv Eker, you may want to check him out. He has written and spoken on that subject for years and has great insight into our ability to self-sabotage because we don’t “deserve” financial success.
I have made many bone-headed moves in the past and I can trace at least some of them to negative traps within my own mind. If we value ourselves more, then we are going to make better decisions in life. Of course there is a difference between valuing oneself and being narcissistic. 😉 I believe the key quality here is optimism and a bright outlook for what the future can bring, and why it is important to live for the future and not only for today.
Thanks so much for sharing your story and opening up to us. It was very enlightening. I too had a hard time believing in myself at a young age. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized I wasn’t so bad. Since then I have had nothing but success in my life. Thanks for the great reminder to believe in ourself.
Sometimes I think it would be nice if we could achieve the change we want by simply willing away the distractions and the negative thoughts that can drag us down instead of going through the longer evolutionary process of trial & error toward this. Well, for better or for worse I think it will happen one day!
What a lovely story!! Seriously, I guess she did learn from you as well. I did not learn something related to finance or school with my first love, but I did learn to trust my feelings. At some point, we both had the feeling it was time for us to move on and most of all, I had the feeling I needed to study in a different city (mainly to learn English!). It was a hard decision at the time, but I don’t regret it and future proved me my feeling was right!
I’m glad you made the choice that you felt right in doing and that it also ended up working out for you in the end! Our feelings shouldn’t be discounted though negative roadblocks should be removed, and life is nothing but a long process of learning and exploration. I hope it never ends.
What a fantastic story buddy! I learned a lot more from The Wife than I did from my first love:
http://www.myjourneytomillions.com/articles/my-greatest-asset/
I remember that post; “My greatest asset” is a great way to look at it! Our assets aren’t solely what we can count in our balance sheets, and the most important ones can’t be counted at all!
It seems I never actually commented so I’ll head over and do that now. 😉
Great story Kevin. It’s a good thing you hooked up with a positive influence. Who know where you would be without her. Take a look at my Yakezie member post if you want to see another story about believing in yourself! 🙂
I’m a bit behind on the member posts but will definitely have to go check it out!
It’s quite amazing how much each of us learn from the first and grow. Self-esteem building has a lot to do wih it too. It’s all about continual growth imo!
Sam
I agree Sam, continual growth, self-esteem and self-motivation may be the most important things! Probably the hardest to achieve, too, but it’s OK to keep swinging that bat again. A lot of it also just comes down to dedication and hard work, I think. That’s why I have a lot of respect for those who have made it and especially for those that have done it in the face of adversity. Their courage can shine a bright light of optimism on anyone.
Nice post!
I agree, we all have a huge, sometimes untapped potential, to control where we end up. Your mind is such a powerful tool if used to its limits 🙂
Cheers,
Mark
Weird I was sure I had replied to this… guess it didn’t get saved! But, I agree with you — our minds can imprison us, or they can set us free.
Kevin, You are so disciplined, determined and diligent. I can’t imagine you at a younger age, as the man you described. Your love is clearly “the one” and a wonderful influence on your life.
She is a good influence for sure. I still have many human failings though, so the good thing is that there is still plenty of space to improve in! 😉
Hi there! I liked how you changed into a fine and strong-willed man. You were lucky to have a first love like her. She was with you during the hardest moment of your life. Now you are a successful man because of your hard work. Congratulations to your success in life!
Thanks, MyATM! That’s an interesting story you have there. Are the fees unfair, or is it unfair to force them to charge less fees just because people are lazy? I didn’t know that the machines could be THAT profitable… well, I could have guessed. I’ve been the lazy person paying those fees in the past, too.
Little late to the game, thank goodness for the 7 links project! Beautiful post, valuable lessons, and very heartwarming. It’s amazing what the right woman can do for a man. I’m in the same boat with slightly different details. Need to pencil this in for a future post. Thanks for brightening up my weekend!
Glad to brighten up the weekend a bit, Buck! Thanks for the comment 🙂